Recently, my teacher just gave me and my friends our report cards for the mid semester test. Most of my friends in class looked unsatisfied with their results. They complain about the test which was very difficult, and one of our teachers that seemed like not fair with the scores.
Well, I got disappointed too. My school grade isn’t really good, I got 4 value below 75 with 100 is the maximal value. It’s not the best or even something I wanted to have. It is not good for my grades, means it is not good for my future.
But, I only need a couple minutes to get rid of my disappointment. I realize that I was not working hard enough to deserve a good grade. My study spirit has been increased since last year, and I notice it. That is why I was not hoping too much for the report I would get. And that also why I could forget my disillusion and easy to get distracted with other things quickly.
And that, makes me realise something today.
Disenchantment they expressed in their faces and words have aware me of a contrast between me and them. It’s just a little thing, but it inflicted a lot of differences. They have something I don’t have; which is specific ambitions.
Ambition to have a good grade. Ambition to go to the best universities. Ambition to have a job which suit with their passion and can produce a lot of money. Ambition to have a better life.
While, I only have a pretension to have a better life. I don’t have those specific ambitions with grades or universities or jobs. I don’t even decided yet what proffession I want to be in the future.
I am lack of passion. I am lack of ambition.
It brings me to a fact that my future is still in an abstract form. I lived too long as someone who careless about problems and want to live happily ever after without struggle. I’ve been underestimate passion and ambition, unaware that I need them for the whole of my life.
I don’t know what course I’ll take for my college, I don’t know what job I’ll take for my life. I have no idea about bolts and skewdriver, when everyone already build their aeroplane to fly.
Aware of this fact brings me to a horrific feeling. A disappointment of my self, more than what my friends felt after have bad scores.